MICHELLE OBAMA

Michelle Obama can Fuck Off!!! I am so sick of hearing about her. What the fuck does she have to do with anything. Who gives a fuck what the running man's wife is doing????? I'm sorry but the wife shouldn't have anything to do with it. He's running, not her. As long as I'm on it, he's a dumb fuck too. I don't feel like discussing this in an intellectual manner right now because guess what? IT'S NOT WORTH MY BREATH!!!. Prescription for this person is.......Punch in the face.

NATIONAL SECURITY

I can say right now that I'm greatly annoyed with airport security. I appreciate the fact that they are trying to prevent terrorism and suicide bombers etc. BUT, let's face it these people are extremely intelligent, obviously not all of them are, but the ones that aren't are fearless. That can be a dangerous combination - fearless and intelligent. Anyway, my point is they are going to find a way to get on a plane regardless of what we do. Of course we can make it more difficult for them, but they'll find a way. It is because of all this that I can't walk to the gate to say goodbye to a loved one each time they leave. Saying goodbye at the shuttle terminal is horrible because you know that your loved one is just over there at the other end of the building and you could have had a few more precious moments together. Instead you are forced to leave trying to see through your tears and act like you're okay. You end up spending the rest of the day trying to pull yourself together and failing miserably. I think terrorists should have their genitals severed and be suffocated with them for ruining it for everyone. Bastards. I hate them.

EARL AND SON

Thanks for your comments Earl and son! For Earl's son - I can understand why Alltell has been bought by Verizon. For one thing, they understand the meaning of customer service, and also have many options to offer the customer. I looked at several different phone carrier services and decided to go with Verizon. I am already happier with the phone they gave me and the service has not dropped a call yet.. Will keep counting!

ALLTELL

I would like to let everyone out there know that ALLTELL is the worst phone carrier you can ever have. If you ever have to choose, make sure you go to anyone but them because their customer service sucks. Their representatives don't listen to anything you say and bug you every chance you get. They offer only a limited amount of plans, and then even if you have the plan with the most minutes and you go over, THEY TURN YOUR PHONE OFF!! Even if your bill is PAID! I don't know about you, but this really pisses me off. If I didn't need to behave like a responsible adult and parent I would go down to the nearsest Alltell store and punch everyone that works there in the face.

Today I was in the grocery store and saw these ridiculous slippers with MOPS on the bottom so that you can mop your floor while you walk around. How lazy are people becoming? Bend your ass over and scrub your floor if it's dirty! It's not hard! If I ever see anyone wearing those crazy slippers I am going to punch them in the face.

NOTHING ELSE TO SAY

Today I saw a morbidly obese Jamaican lady working out (rather, trying to) wearing a knit wool lime green cap and black spandex biking shorts. Need I say more? Where did she even find her size in those pants? Those companies should have their asses kicked for making fat people think that it's okay to wear spandex just because it comes in their size.

AMY WINEHOUSE

Amy Winehouse is a disgusting specimen of humanity. It makes me utterly sick to know that some crackhead out there is winning grammys and making millions of dollars whilst the rest of us work our assess off for practically nothing. Why don't I just go out and start doing drugs and write some whiney song about every day life pressures and I could be a millionaire too? Amy Winehouse deserves a couple punches in the face.

PLUGGED IN KIDS

I get really irritated when I see mothers continually plopping their toddlers down in a corner in front of a portable DVD player. They throw the headphones on them and stick them in a corner like a fake houseplant. Whatever happened to the "behave yourself, sit down and be quiet" approach? Kids are getting plopped down in front of their little miniscule tv's at the hairdressers, at weddings, in the cart at the grocery store, at the post office - EVERYWHERE!!! Here's a tip, if you must bring your small children with you to a place that's boring for them, use it as an opportunity to teach them to behave and quietly entertain themselves. It's not easy, I know from experience - but I for one am not going to turn my child into a zombie because I'm too lazy or tired to parent. I was at a wedding a couple of months ago where one of the guest couples brought their 2 year old with them (despite the fact the reception was running very late into the night). The mother literally picked up the child, put her in a corner of the reception hall by herself, stuck the portable DVD player in front of her and left her there. Why not take your baby out on the dance floor and swing her around at least? Kids love that. But apparently, this is too difficult for some people, or maybe I'm just surrounded by people lacking in intelligence AND common sense. Asses. No wonder today's children are mostly spoiled brats with no imagination.

BREAST IMPLANTS

I really don't know what to think of this breast implant craze. If you pay attention, you will notice that a lot more people than you think have them. People that you would never imagine to have them, in fact do. The procedure has become so common that people are beginning to expect others to get them! I happen to exercise a great deal, and the sad truth that accompanies that fact is you lose the fatty tissue in your breasts therefore making them smaller and sometimes saggy. There's no pretty way to say it. Well, a friend of mine walked up to me the other day and just said "so when are you getting breast implants?" Despite the fact that I have considered having a breast augmentation, him saying that really offended me. As though he and the rest of society don't find you or your body optimally beautiful unless you are perfectly proportioned. One thought that keeps me from doing it is - I don't want to look like everyone else. Why do we all strive for this perfect image? The other part of me though isn't satisfied with my over 30 saggy non voluptuous breasts. I guess the most important thing is - do it for yourself. If having a breast augmentation or even just a breast lift makes you feel better about your self image, then do it. Don't do it for anyone else, not even your husband or significant other. It's your body, not theirs.

BOUNDARIES!

I hate when people think that it's okay to just walk up and touch you. What on earth makes them think they have the right- I don't know. Then, when you tell them not to touch you they get all offended like it's you that did something wrong. Unless you're my kid or my family, don't put your hands on me. This idiot at my gym who looks like a fat old ham on steriods just came up to me the other day when I was on the elliptical and put his hand on my low back. I turned around in surprise and said "are you touching me?" He says "what?" acting surprised. I said "don't put your hands on me, I'm serious - take them off or I'll break them off". You have to be cut and dry with dumb asses like him. So then he walks off mumbling something ridiculous about prudes. Idiot. Then I was pissed because I had to waste more time filing an icident report at the front desk otherwise nothing will be done. This idiot needs a punch in the throat and a kick in the face.

MILITARY COUPLES

I am so sick of these random couples on various news stations boo hooing about how they have to be away from their newborns. First of all, if you get into a relationship with someone in the military and you are in as well, DON'T HAVE CHILDREN!!!! I don't know what makes these people believe that they can have their cake and eat it too. All of us in other professions have to choose whether we are going to concentrate on our careers or have children. Being a working mother is different than having a baby and then going off to timbuktu for 2 years. My point is I don't care how supposedly 'in love' you are. If both parents are going to be away for endless periods of time and the grandparents or whoever are going to end up raising the children then you shouldn't have had them in the first place. All of these people deserve a punch in the face for being selfish and stupid.

THE MARKET

Today I discovered a fresh fruit and vegetable market in my neighborhood. I really believe an area doesn't feel like home until you find those little places like the above mentioned where you can just stop and get a few things. What I mean by market (for those of you who don't know) is more like a large stand or large size tent usually owned by a local couple or farmers in the area where they sell their fresh produce. In addition to the produce, you can find little things like organic honey in jars, home made dry soup mixes, freshly made baked goods - like zucchini bread or blueberry muffins and just a bunch of little things the owners make to sell to the public. What a great place - especially for a food fanatic like me. I get a cozy feeling when I go there. There's something about picking out your fruit and vegetables out of the large supermarket atmosphere that makes it seem more meaningful and wholesome. The people who own this stand get a thumbs up from Dr. Vijayjay.

THE NICE FRIEND

Did you ever notice that most people have 'the nice friend'? My friend Raul is nice to EVERYONE, even if they're an asshole. He works as a Respiratory Therapist and I've have never heard him even get slightly annoyed. It makes me want to be a better person on some days and on other days I just feel angry because he makes me look evil! My question is how do you get that way? I have always been high strung. I can't imagine being so calm that nothing bothers you. It's reassuring to know that there are still nice people out in the world. I was really starting to believe that there wasn't.

Off the topic, Patrick Stewart is the sexiest old guy I know.

NEW MOTHERS

Have you ever noticed that when most women become new mothers that they go out and get an ugly ass haircut? Who the hell told them that you need to have short hair to be a mother? They all get the same one too- the one that looks like the put a bowl on their head and chopped the rest off. Stupid asses. There is no reason you can't keep long hair and be a mother too. I'm so sick of fat women making excuses that 'they can't lose weight because they have kids'. Here's an idea - get some motivation, set an example of a healthy lifestyle for your children, and quit stuffing yourselves with fast food!!!

COOKING

I have always loved to cook, but lately cooking has become very therapeutic for me. I find that when I'm angry, or I've had a stressful day, it always seems to be okay if I just cook something. After a very busy day today, my dog decided to have a piss all over the upstairs hallway, down the stairs and onto the kitchen floor. I have never been so angry in all my life (okay, yes I have) but I was so mad I wanted to chop his dick off and shove it down his throat. Instead, I put him on the patio and whipped up some apple crisp. I'm like a psychotic patient who cooks...

911 for Mayonaise

Have you all heard about that dumb ass who called 911 because the guy at Subway didn't put mayonaise on his sandwich? I don't think I even need to say any more. This guy needs a prescription for an ass kicking.

PROTEIN PANCAKES

Just for you Earl- here's the recipe to protein pancakes:

1/3 cup oatmeal

4 egg whites

1 scoop chocolate whey protein powder

dash cinnamon

Spray a pan with non stick spray and fry the pancake on med hi for about a minute. Flip and cook one more minute till it puffs up.

Delicious and good for you!

ANOTHER STUPID WOMAN

There was a woman on the national news recently who had her dead pit bull cloned in Korea and paid fifty thousand dollars to do it! I personally feel that this whole act of cloning is unethical, not to metion the fact that she could have saved a dog from a shelter in need and taken care of it for years with that fifty thousand dollars. What a stupid cunt. Yes, I said cunt and I'll say it again- CUNT. That's the only word good enough to describe her. Someone should snap her neck like a chicken.
What does the Doctor prescribe for this? Punches in the face until unconscious...

DUMP IN YOUR PANTS

Today I saw a young kid walking down the street with the waist of his shorts secured UNDER his butt. He looked like a complete ass - as though he had taken a shit in his pants and left it there all day. Anyway I'd like to know why his parents let him walk out of the house looking that way. That's like me walking out of my house with my shirt on, but pulling my boobs out of the top and just letting them hang out. If you want your ass showing, then why not just walk around in your underwear?

I'm sure you all can guess what this kid deserves. A big fat punch in the face. See how you wear your pants then!

Dogs

My dog is the best. Even though at times he can be a pea brain, I always feel like I have a companion with me. Yesterday when I took him out, I overshot the pickup with the bag on my hand and accidentally got dog poop on my thumb. What a great start to the morning that was! I have to say that in my opinion, the smell of dog shit is the absoulute WORST. Despite all this though, we really love our pets. I really believe that you can love a pet as much as your own child. Send me pictures of your pets and we will start 'Pet Corner' .

Earl the Pearl

Thanks for the comment Earl! You're right, on the positive end, seeing the same friendly faces every day at the gym picks me up - especially when I'm having a bad day. Nice older people without psychological issues are certainly valuable to society and I think more people should look to them as an example of how to live their lives.

Toothpicks

Do you believe that there are still some idiots that think that walking around with a toothpick hanging out of your mouth looks cool? Dumb asses. Sometimes I get so annoyed by the surge of people's stupidity in general that I want to become a hermit.

CONTROL FREAKS

The other day I was at the gym (yes again) and I was talking to this woman for a moment as I stretched out post workout. We see each other occasionally and make small talk. This particular day her husband was with her. I had seen him before, never with a smile on his face. He is your typical Italian looking dark skinned, very muscular, gold chain wearing type of guy. He could be smart possibly, but I highly doubt it. Anyway, he rudely interrupted us to say "come on - quit talking, we're here to work out not be social!" Then he says to her "get going, we're going to do hanging leg raises." I felt like saying 'fuck you and your hanging leg raises! Is it okay for your wife to breathe on her own or does she have to ask you for permission on that too?' In the interest of maintaing my membership in good standing I just gave her a look as she walked away behind him like a puppy that had been reprimanded. I was completely disgusted by the whole incident. I couldn't stop thinking about it all night...

What does this guy deserve? A punch in the face and a kick in the ass.

MORNING COFFEE

Why is it that the first cup of coffee in the morning always tastes so much better than the rest? I can't live without my coffee right now. Soy lattes are my favorite. That will get you running. If I'm having a morning where I'm especially dragging (like today) I just have a double espresso with a couple of splendas in it. If you have ever wondered, investing in a really good quality espresso machine is definitely worth it if you're an avid coffee drinker. I got lucky and got mine as a gift.

More about Mr. T

Today I watched that Mr. T commercial again. It certainly is funny. Apparently there are a bunch of these commercials featuring him with the the catch phrase 'Snickers - get some nuts!'. What happened to Mr. T? Last I heard he was living in a one bedroom apartment in california writing a book. I'll try to find out what this book is called. I'll bet he has made a little chunk of change on these Snickers commercials though...

Mr.T and Snickers Commercial

Have you guys seen that commercial that has been all over the news with Mr. T driving a tank? Personally I feel that the ad really is too negative toward the gay population. I don't want my children thinking it's okay to be mean toward gay people, but then you turn on this commercial and there's Mr. T driving a tank chasing this gay guy who happens to be speedwalking in his neighborhood. Then he starts shooting at him bascially telling him to get some nuts as he takes a huge bite out of this Snickers bar. Give me a break! Leave the poor guy alone! I hardly think eating Snickers makes you a man anyway! To be honest, if you're stuffing your face full of snickers you're probably a fat ass middle age loser who has carved a hole in his own couch with the curves of his own fat ass.

The commercial has been pulled. Thanks to whoever did that. If you want to watch it and give me your opinion here's the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThWXNa8onKk&watch_response

Working Out Uninterrupted? Is it Possible??

I happen to spend a lot of time at the gym. It's nice to always see the same friendly faces and have a little meaningless banter here and there. But, like everything else there should be a line. The other day this guy kept sort of hovering by me asking me what kind of exercises I was doing. How annoying!!! What business is it of yours and why do you even f**king care? I finally just looked at him and said, "I'm trying to concentrate here - do you mind?" He finally got the point. I'm sure you all can guess what the doctor gave him for this....An imaginary punch in the face! Works every time.

Screaming

It has been a known fact that a baby screaming can turn the most sane person insane. Try it sometime. When you're really calm, place yourself near a screaming baby and see how long you last. This is a great way to see what kind of patience level you have.

More Mario

Found the ridiculous picture of Mario I had referred to in one of my earlier posts. I would love to watch a video of him dropping the cowboy hat and then tripping over it and falling into a tub full of water with the hair dryer on. ZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP!!!!

Your Own Scent

Why is it that we don't mind the smell of our own farts (no matter how rancid they are), but the smell of anyone else's seems intolerable? As a matter of fact I have seen people taking huge whiffs of their own farts without so much as a blink. Any thoughts?

Sack of Shrivels

Check out the above picture guys. What the hell is this old freak up to? I hate to break it to him, but the cowboy hat isn't doing much for him at this point. Also, is the little black box really necessary? At his age what are we really covering up - a sack of shriveled prunes and a dehydrated cheeto. So much for being dignified in your old age.

On the other hand, I do have to give him credit for having a good time. Who knows why and how this picture of him came about, but he really looks like he's having a ball (or balls) as the case may be!

When It's Obvious...

One of the things I can't stand is when you are so OBVIOUSLY talking on the phone to someone, and then someone else comes directly up to you and starts talking at you as though you have some kind of superhuman capability to engage in two conversations at the same time.

What does the doctor order for this? A double punch in the face.

MARIO LOPEZ

You know what? I just want to say that Mario Lopez looks completely ridiculous in People magazine. I didn't realize it was possible to have such a masculine physique, yet look so gay at the same time. Ridiculous is the only word that keeps coming to mind? Let's get serious. Posing with a hair dryer while wearing a cowboy hat isn't going to help matters. I don't have anything against gay people, but if my son gets to be a teen and wants to wear something totally stupid out of the house, I'll let him go but I'll be sure to alert him to the fact that he looks completely ridiculous.

Dr. Vijayjay and Old People

You know, I am so sick of old people they can do whatever they want just because they're old. Would you believe some old hag slapped me in the parking lot of my gym the other day???? Here's the story - I'm backing out of my spot with my two kids in the backseat (ages 3 and 1) when this old hag zooms into the parking lot at top speed in her big ass cadillac (which she can barely see over the steering wheel) and almost rams right into the back of my truck! I figure, whatever, another old person in a cadillac who can't see. So I drove around to the front of the gym (whilst completely forgetting about her) to run in the front door because I had forgotten my water bottle on the counter. Before I could get out of the car she pulls up next to me, OPENS UP THE PASSENGER DOOR TO MY TRUCK AND STARTS YELLING AT ME!!! Do you people believe this crap??? I was out of the car in a flash and ran around to the other side and started yelling at her. Something to the effect of 'Was she Crazy???' You can't just open up someone's car door! So then- she slaps me!!!!! This old hag in her seventies slaps me!!! Me being from New York, 100% Italian, and naturally short tempered, immediately reacted and punched her in the face knocking her to the ground. OLD HAG!!! But it's not over!! Then she gets up and like a crazy cat starts trying to hit me with her purse!!!!!! I had to physically restrain her and drag her into the gym to prevent her from attacking me any further or hurting herself! The worst part is her poor 12 year old grandson is standing there watching his Grandmother act crazy, and then get her ass beat. All I have to say is YOU DESERVE IT!!!! And I'm not sorry.

You got what the Doctor ordered. A punch in the face.

-Dr. Vijayjay